Normandy, Oct. 1942.- Me and my troops were deployed by our colonel, Colonel Sanders, to go and kill the Nazi son of a bitches. "Coming up on ya rear!" yelled my platoonmate, Roger Staubach. Roger was a wholesome man, raised in Brooklyn by his Italian-American Pizza Pie makin' father, Roger Staubach Sr., and his whore of a mother, Whore Staubach. He was bringing a load of ammunition up to the tank from behind me. "Didn't mean ta scare ya by threatening to ejaculate on your backside, Sajak." Roger told me. "No problem, I never once felt the pressure of your jizz creamin' up on my mudslide I got going for a backside," I replied. "Besides, we gotta get goin' anyways. We're behind schedule. We were supposed to be battling that gang of Nija Nazis in the Alps an hour ago!" So off we went. To battle those tricky Nazi Ninjas in the Alps.
Looking down from the mountain, upon the bluff in the valley, I noticed a strong prescence of burning hair in the air. We were adjacent to the concentration camp, ASSWITCH, the worst kind of concentraion camp. No Jews, minorities, gays, or Germans were housed and killed here, but many still perished. ASSWITCH was a concentration camp for mailmen. I know what you're thinking, "Mailmen? But why would a mailman be in a concentration camp?" Here's why. In 1939 the Grrrreat Grizzly Mailmean Strike occured. Every mailman in the city of Des Moines, Iowa went on strike. They refused to shave their beards, and the American Government was forced to take immediate action. They sent all the mailmen to the Alps, where there was a camp sent up and run by Americans living in the Alps. Three weeks ago, due to the shortage of manpower this great war needs, the American Government recalled all those mailmen and enlisted them into the war. Then the Nazi Ninjas attacked, killed 49 mailmen, 1 maillady, and a common housecat, Sherlinda. We are the ones sent in to clean up this mess. We are a band of brothers fighting for a common cause. That cause being the sake of all post office workers in the city of Des Moines' wellbeing. I, Pat Sajak, solemnly swore to this American land that I would stand up and defend this great nation. Me and Staubach went into unchartered territory and approached a group of Ninja Nazis. "You think you can just karate chop these mailmen? Well karate chop this, Mutha fucka!" Staubach yelled to the group of unsuspecting martial arts experts, who were actually buttfucking at the time, so you could call them martial arts SEXperts. "Ve vant you to know, fuck you." yelled the leading Ninja, Franz Ferdinand. An epic battle then errupted, with thousands dying, including all the mailmen. Noone survived, except me, Pat Sajak, and this chapter is usually forgotten about in American History. Sorry for wasting your time.
